IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY SILENCE, YOU WON'T UNDERSTAND MY WORDS

There is nothing purer or more beautiful than the hearts of children in this existence! They never carry a burden of worry, or let us say that their biggest worry in life is a game they want and they cry for it. When we were young, we used to find someone to carry the worry for us. When fear gripped us, we would run to hide in our mothers’ arms and feel that stillness and reassurance. The mother’s heart was the only safety for you in this. The big universe..We were not occupied with anything in this life that disturbed our peace or made us feel bitter sadness. Even our laughter was filled with joy and came out with an unusual purity, and you would find someone who heard it who would not tire of hearing it all day long. Our laughter was like the sweet tone that came out of that beautiful little mouth to adorn that angelic face. ..And there are many memories whose rays creep in during times of loneliness to illuminate that darkness within us. These memories meet the soul with tender meanings, and we feel as if the spirits of those bygone days are fluttering around us, consoling our situation, or at least drawing a smile on our lips that we missed. That youth was lost in worry, and the signs of aging appeared. It is clear that it invades our features, so we find no alternative to throwing ourselves into the arms of the past and reminiscing about its memories.We began to grow little by little, and the innocence of hearts gradually faded until darkness took over and erased it. We searched for it a lot inside ourselves and did not see it... truly, we did not see it at all! We grow older, and the worries of life increase within us until our hearts become fed up with them and our souls suffocate with them. We hardly feel that our condition is improving, and even our laughter has become fake! We may laugh at hidden pain or obvious injustice. We may laugh at oppression that befalls us or fear that makes our hearts tremble. Every laugh hides behind it a tinge of sadness that the heart hides. We cannot reveal it, nor does the eruption of that heart subside within us. We have begun to resort to isolation. Loneliness has become our only refuge. We have begun to build high, solid walls around us that surround us from every side. We do not want anyone to penetrate them. Perhaps we will find within ourselves what we are looking for in... In the midst of this chaos and futility that surrounds us...overnight, we find the spring of our hearts turning into autumn, filled with strong winds that almost uproot the roots of your heart, then come out from between your sides and cause your mind to collapse, almost making you lose your senses...We have grown up and we must protect ourselves by ourselves and from ourselves. There is no one to turn to except yourself and your Lord. No one carries your burdens anymore. We have to bear responsibility for ourselves and stand firm before it, or at least pretend to stand firm.. For how long, heart, will sadness continue to overwhelm you. How long will you keep your lights off? How long will you stay? Your tears in their wells do not dry up.. You started crying in your isolation and started laughing at the pain that you hide inside you..You are strange, my heart. Sadness kills you at all times... But despite all that pain, we have to pretend to be steadfast, as there is no point in complaining to anyone! But do you know if it were not for these pains, the earth would be desolate... So know that life is a place of misery and trials, and we must bear all the pain that is inside us, but all of this is made easier by drawing closer to God at all times... It is made easier by supplicating to Him secretly and publicly, in the mornings and in the evenings... if these are the trials and sorrows... We draw closer to God through supplication and steadfastness towards Him. God is a source of benefit for us and for our hearts. However, if sorrows increase the hardness of hearts and make us dissatisfied with God’s destiny and dissatisfied with His decree, then that is a loss for this world and the hereafter. These pains and sorrows may be a gift to us through which God tests our patience, or God may make them a test. Because of our discontent and dismay, all we have to do is endure a little until we get our share of that happiness. We are confident in the Generous One that happiness will return to these bereaved hearts one day and fill that existence with its abundance.